Standing alone in a room full of people, you suddenly lock eyes with a beautiful person. The world seems to stop spinning for a brief moment as the time slows. Your body flushes with excitement and you feel the familiar butterflies in your stomach. When you look at this person you feel that instantfamiliar feeling, as if you’ve met them before.
You can either strike up a discussion with the person you are talking to or pass each other by like two lost ships in a dark night. Moments like these bring back memories of that age-old tradition of falling in love at first glance that is featured in films and fairy tales.
Love at first sight is not always a lasting relationship. It can be a fresh start for a new romance, but if it doesn’t go as planned, we can feel a little lost.
Psycholog Susan Albers explains what happens to your body during love at first glance and how those fleeting moments could blossom into something more if you take the proper care.
What is love at first site?
The moment you instantly feel a connection with someone is called love at first sight. Love at first sight has been the subject of many popular songs, TV series, movies, and literature. It is a moment that is marked by extreme attraction and intense longing for another person without any rationale.
You can fall in love with someone within seconds. It often happens unexpectedly. If you talk to that person, your attraction will increase. People often describe love at first glance as being like a fireworks display or sparks.
“It is very easy to be caught up in that intensity,” Dr. Albers says.
Is love at first sight real?
Is love at first glance a sign of the soulmate that you have been searching for? Dr. Albers believes that love at first glance is a true phenomenon but may not be what we call love over the long-term.
Dr. Albers suggests that Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love is a useful method for measuring what type of love one is experiencing. Sternberg’s triangle theory suggests that all relationships are based on different amounts of intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Dr. Albers explains that “love at first sight is only the passion component of this triangle. But to experience real romantic love you must have all three components.” It takes time and reflection to distinguish between love at first glance and actual love. In the end, it’s not love, but infatuation.
Why do we hear so many successful couples claim that it was love at the first sight when they met, and then chalk up the rest to history? It could be due to a psychological phenomenon called The Halo Effect. This is where we tend attribute positive traits to people who we find attractive. Another possible reason is selective memories bias, and the desire of couples to improve their memory of their relationship.
Dr. Albers notes that people sometimes have selective memory bias when they tell stories of how they met, and claim it was love at the first sight. They’re rewriting their story to fit the description or self-fulfilling belief that that’s what happens when you fall in loves.
As with any “self-fulfilling prophecy”, if you believe this is how you should fall in love, and take action to validate this belief, in retrospect, it becomes a cycle that fits the romantic story you have been longing for.
It’s okay to be happy if you fall in love at first glance. “Falling in love at first site at least once could change your life,” says Dr. Albers. When you experience these intense emotions yourself, you will forever have a greater appreciation for passion and connection.
What is the cause of love at first site?
According to popular belief, love is not a matter of the heart but rather relates to your brain’s various functions. Your prefrontal cortex is responsible for executive functions such as problem-solving and critical thinking.
Dr. Albers says that our prefrontal cortex is capable of making snap decisions based on minimal information. One such decision is to acknowledge love at first glance. You see someone, and within seconds you will know whether you are attracted.
When you judge someone’s behavior and appearance, activates different areas of your brain. When you are attracted to someone, your body will experience a rush of physical and mental symptoms. This is caused by the surge in dopamine and Oxytocin.
Dr. Albers says that even though you may not feel a real connection with the person, you still get a feeling of closeness from your body. It is an instant jolt, and an emotional high.
According to some studies, romantic love is more of a motivational mechanism than an emotion. This is similar to how we become addicted. We want to feel that high again and again.
“Unfortunately we can’t trust that flood because it’s based upon that initial surge of feel-good chemical instead of the hard facts we know about that other person,” Dr. Albers says.
How does it feel to be in love at first site?
The feeling of love at first sight is different for each person, but it’s characterized by an intense rush in emotion and physical characteristics. You may notice:
- Heart rate increases.
- Mild shortness in breath
- Feeling hot, flushed, or feverish.
- Feelings such as nausea or nervousness.
- Hyperfocusing on an individual of interest
- Sleeping problems.
- Make changes to your daily routine or diet.
Dr. Albers notes that “we meet so many people every day and they come and go from our consciousness but the love at first site sticks in your brain.” Sometimes, it can be like a magnetic force. It can be difficult to let go.
What do you do now that you are in love?
Dr. Albers says, “Love at first glance is a good place to begin because it means that there is attraction. But love has to go beyond that.”
If you have experienced love at first site, it’s more likely that you will experience it again. Dr. Albers recommends paying attention to patterns in your behavior rather than getting caught up in all the excitement and feeling deflated if it doesn’t work out. Take a step back if you are prone to falling in love with someone at first glance. Try to assess the situation as it is happening. This could be because you have a strong attachment style.
People who fall in love at first glance can have an attachment style that is anxious. “They want to have an immediate connection with someone in order to reduce their anxiety,” says Dr. Albers. You want to think about whether this is something that happens often and if it is an indication of your attachment style.
You can also:
Values are important to you.
A relationship is similar to building a home. You need to lay a strong foundation before you can build walls or open the door. You can identify the values you hold dear by writing them down. Do you plan to have children and a family one day? Do you prefer an exclusive relationship or a relationship with more people? How important is it to you that your career and finances are a priority?
“A beautiful start to a relationship would be to be aware of the moment you feel an attraction towards someone. Pay attention to this feeling and pay it close attention.” “It’s also important to take the time to learn more about the person beyond the physical attraction. See if there are any common interests, hobbies or values. “Making those things align is what creates a really strong foundation.”
If you are unsure of where to begin or if you find it difficult to pinpoint what you want, you can create a list with the most important qualities you seek.
She adds: “Sometimes a good exercise for you is to write down the things you need to agree on in a relationship, and those things where you are willing to compromise or have differences.” It’s crucial to start the conversation early if something is important to you.
Set expectations
After you have identified what you are looking for, setting expectations and standing your ground can help you to eliminate anyone who does not respect healthy boundaries. It’s important to also set your own expectations. Translation: If your hopelessness is a problem, you should aim for the cinematic love. However, be prepared to accept a less dramatic presentation.
In fairy tales and films, love at first glance always works out. “In real life, this may or may be the case,” Dr. Albers says. It’s a good idea to set expectations that the story could be a romantic one, but not perfect.
Do not rush into anything
The wise say that only fools rush into a relationship, but this doesn’t mean that you should. Red Flags may not always be obvious at first, especially when they are associated with toxic behavior patterns. You have to take the time to learn about someone to discover their strengths. Some people are more able to make a decision than others. However, if you want a lasting relationship, there is no need to rush.
Dr. Albers advises, “Don’t rush into making any major decisions.” Slow down and get to know your partner before moving in together or getting engaged.
Speak to a Therapist
A therapist may be able to help you if your first love experience wasn’t very positive or if you are caught in a pattern of falling and then re-falling in love.
“It’s also helpful to work together with a therapist in order to understand how you perceive love, your expectations, and the way that you fall in love,” says Dr. Albers. If you have a love-at-first sight experience that doesn’t pan out and are confused or heartbroken, and can’t figure out why it didn’t work, talking to your therapist will help you peel away the layers and understand what is happening.
